Sunday, December 30, 2018

Goodbye 2018, you weren't the kindest lately

The struggle's been real,
The last few months of this year have been super hard, I was not only dealing with some emotional, financial, and physical things, I was working very long hours each day.  I support myself and my kids by designing and publishing free patterns and videos. They are free to you but by you visiting my blogs and my youtube channels I earn revenue. That's my way of sharing with you and spreading the love of my craft without having to charge you. The last few months of this year a 15 to 17 hour work day was not unusual. I was trying to catch up financially but I just kept getting hit with the unexpected.

I was still here,

For my online creative friends who felt I dropped off the face of the earth, my apologies, my days were long. I'm sorry I missed so much of everything you all have been creating. I love you guys, I really do and all the things you make, you all are so talented! I always want to support you and be here for you. I was working as much as I could in a short amount of time while dealing with a lot so I couldn't be as present as I used to be online. I appreciate your caring messages, you touched my heart. I don't want you to worry.

Side effects,
I was suddenly hit in 2016 with chronic illness and there are side effects of chronic illness that most people won't even think about unless it hits them personally. I never thought about any of this until it hit me. It effects all aspects of a life, even if a treatment is working and we have no symptoms right now we have to still deal with what it took away, what it robbed from us. Our ability to continue working is a huge thing! I'm self employed which means I'm pretty much on my own if I get ill and the world doesn't stop while I recover. The never ending catch up game hit me especially hard this year.  I'm slowly learning to accept it and deal with it.

Why such a personal post?

I normally don't publish these personal things but I felt today if I can say to somebody else, hey, I've been having a really rough time  and I'm one of those positive thinkers who sees a silver lining in all the dark clouds. Ya, one of those people, but even my days were filled with so many dark clouds it's been hard to see those silver linings. Maybe my post will touch somebody else, maybe it could help somebody not feel alone in their struggle. Maybe you just need to hear that I get it.


Compassion,

It's so important for all of us to show compassion and understanding for those who are dealing with stuff. Maybe an illness, or depression, or anxiety. Mental health issues are a very real thing! It can disable lives. It effects mine more than I will ever say. Anxiety hits at any time, even when life is good, but it really kicks into high gear when life is hard. Compassion and understanding is everything for those of us who struggle. I don't need you to fix my life but please don't judge what you don't understand, that just makes it worse. I have felt the sting of judgment for having anxiety, yup, I've heard it's not real.  Just because it doesn't happen to you doesn't mean it's not real. The wind can still blow the trees over even though you can't see the wind.

I get it!
If anybody reading this is struggling, I want you to know I totally understand. I may not know the depths of your struggle and I can't fix anything but I understand some days, weeks, months, are just freaking hard. Find whatever you can and hang onto that. Maybe it's this message today that I get it! And there's things that you can't even say out loud and can I tell you I so totally get that too. Can I tell you that I actually care about you and I want you to make it through this. I feel so much love for you while I'm writing this. Just get through today, don't worry about tomorrow.
If you are struggling with depression and can't shake it please go see a doctor! Don't let it take your life away, it might even be a chemical thing that you have no control over at all. That's not your fault. Help could be right there for you, just make that call.

Goodbye 2018!
For all my struggling friends let's say it together, goodbye 2018! We won't miss you so you can go now! 2019 we might just love you already.

Hope,
Last night I built the base for a new tree in my craft room. I haven't felt that feeling to build for a long time and there it was again, not a full on "LET'S BUILD!" but a little feeling and I ran with it. A crafty project that will bring my mind back to the magical places that I love and give me that bit of excitement for tomorrow. For tomorrow I will create the bark then the tree will need a little creature to live inside...
I don't know why I got that feeling to build, maybe it's because I took a break or maybe because I had an entire non-working week with my kids who refreshed my days. I don't know why it came back but it feels hopeful to me.
For some of you that might seem weird and that's okay but creativity gives me hope. Some of you will totally get that 💕

No more promises,
I have made promises to post this pattern or that video during 2018 and I do get them posted but it causes me anxiety if I can't get them posted within a certain time frame. It's not just a little anxiety either so the only promise I will make in 2019 is I will make no promises. This is also one of the things I have to accept with chronic illness, I have no idea what tomorrow looks like for me. It'll probably be a healthy day but I can't say for certain it will be because doctors visits, never ending blood tests, and treatments can also be exhausting. Sometimes I just need to do nothing.

I'll get through,

Just because I've just told you that life was hard for me lately doesn't mean I'm a different person. I'm still the same positive thinker who wants to spread joy and love to as many people as I can. It's been  hard to cope with everything, especially more so this year but I'll get there.

Thank you for sticking with me through these last couple of years, I appreciate you and love you all. I'm looking forward to seeing what jumps off the crochet hook in 2019. I have a few ideas and if I can design them and get them published it will be super exciting to share them with you.

I wish all of us a healthy and creative 2019!

30 comments:

  1. I know what your going thru Sharon. Over 2018 i have just about lost my ability to walk without my walker or cane. But like you i keep fighting. My entire spine is breaking down and is now traveling up my back. I will not give up but i will take a time put when the chronic pain gets to me. But tomorrow is another day hopefully a better day with less pain. Mu heart breaks for you Sharon, but i will always be here for you i will private message you my phone number. I uses to be on your page all the time making the patterns but then i had to stop too much pain. Looking forward to hearing from you. Take care my friend.
    Julie Ann (Sacca) Tucker

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear of your suffering Julie Ann, what a rough thing to have to cope with. My father has spine issues with chronic pain. I hate that you guys have that kind of pain, I can't imagine living with that! I hope you can find some relief in the future. Thank you for caring and for the kind words, that really means a lot. We'll be in touch.
      Sharon xo

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  2. I'm with you Sharon! Goodbye 2018! I hope 2019 is better for both of us. Love your work Sharon, I'm not going anywhere. I understand your struggles and I'm here with you! Happy NEW year!

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    1. thank you so much! That really means a lot. Sorry 2018 wasn't kind to you either. I could honestly hear a collective voice when I said Goodbye 2018.
      Happy NEW year to you too! I could feel everything you meant when you wrote those words.
      Lots of love,
      Sharon xo

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  3. Hi Sharon, I love you for being so honest with us all...I suffer with depression and anxiety really badly, and this year has been no exception either. Your creatively brightens up my days, so I thank you for that..I am lucky as I have my dog to get me out and about, so I'm not stuck indoors like some people are, and like you said, because "it's in your head"...people just expect you to pull yourself together....oh, how lovely that would be eh?.
    Wishing you a happy and healthier 2019 with love from sue in the U.K.

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    1. After reading your comment I have decided that 2019 I will try to bring more awareness for those of us who struggle with these issues. I'm not sure how I will go about it but I will come up with something.
      I've heard people say that too, just get a different mind-set or change all your thinking. It's not been said to me directly as nobody but my mother has any idea I struggle with anxiety everyday. I'm positive and joyful, they would never guess what is going on internally. Both my sons have generalized anxiety, it's a daily fight for them although they are both like me and don't show it.
      I've heard certain family members over the years discussing anxiety and stating it's not a real thing, like they know it for a fact yet they have no clue.
      Anyway, maybe my sudden need to share was meant to be and 2019 maybe we can change the way some view these issues. There's hope for that!
      Wishing you all the best in 2019, Sue. Thank you for taking the time to share with me, I appreciate it more than I can say!
      PS
      Our animals understand everything don't they?

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  4. Te entiendo y te creo, Sharon :) y admiro tu creatividad y tu fuerza como no puedes imaginar. Tu blog es un remanso de felicidad para mi siempre; mi infinita gratitud por eso ♥. No caigas en la tentación de sentir que tienes que justificarte de nada y no te rindas nunca! Cuando sientas que hay que detenerse, tomate ese descanso porque te estaremos esperando siempre. Señor! Yo nunca he entendido como eras capaz de trabajar tanto y tan bien!!! :) He pasado millones de veces por aqui aunque no he comentado nada; me disculpo por eso y trataré de remediarlo en el futuro :) Feliz 2019, Sharon!!! Un abrazo con todo mi corazón!!!

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    1. thank you so much! I appreciate your love and kind words. A BIG hug to you. Happy New Year!

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  5. Sharon, don't sweat the little things. If you cannot post your designs when you say you will, it does not matter. We will still be here when you do. Anxiety and depression are a very hard thing to overcome. I have suffered in the past and I understand completely. 2018 will be gone in a few hours. Looking forward to 2019. It will get better. Take care of yourself and your children. Thank you so much for all of the things you do for us. We all enjoy your patterns very much and take great pleasure in making them. Wishing you a healthy and happy 2019.
    Cari Martinez in Miami, Florida

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    1. yes, 2019 will be here so soon! Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate it and it means a lot.
      Happy 2019 to you and your family :)

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  6. I can totally agree 2018 was not one of my best. Your personal difficulties are shared by many and for you to share took a lot of courage and pain. Thank you for your honesty. Looking forward to 2019. Prayers are with you.

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    1. thank you and so sorry 2018 wasn't so kind to you. After publishing this post I debated if I should delete it but now I see in the comments that it's okay to get some strength from each other.
      Thank you for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it very much.
      All the best to you in 2019!
      Sharon xo

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  7. Please check out Anthony William Medical Medium website. He is improving peoples lives everyday. He has changed mine for the better

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  8. Prayers for you and your family... You are an inspiration and do beautiful wonderful work!!!

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    1. what a wonderful name you have, I love it! Thank you for the kind words and the prayers. I appreciate it very much. Happy New Year!

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  9. Happy new year sharon! I really appreciate your post. I too have suffered with physical and emotional pain - it stinks right? Thank you for sharing your story and all your beautiful patterns. You bring light to our world with your beautiful gifts. Keep on raising those wonderful children and listening to your spirit, its an awesome one! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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    1. thank you so much, that went straight to my heart. Healthy and joyful 2019 to you and yours!

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  10. Hi, my english is not very good but I understand your words with my heart. 2018 was a terrible year and I hope 2019 will be better for all of us. I too suffer from anxiety and could'nt work for a few weeks, and of course had financial problem because of it wich lead to more anxiety... We have to accept that we are sometimes tired and that it is not weakness. I began crocheting to get out of my depression (I have been stitching for years)... and thanks you very much for your models. Happy new year and lot of love from France

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    1. I am so sorry 2018 wasn't kind to you either. Your words of understanding really mean a lot, I hope other people suffering with this will read what you wrote too. It really does help to know we are not alone, that what's happening is "our normal" and it's not our fault. I can see the importance now of speaking out. I have been so afraid to say anything about it before but just reading the comments here I think it was the best thing I did in 2018!
      Thank you and with lots of love,
      Sharon

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  11. Of all my years, 2018 posed the hardest struggle, physically, emotionally and financially. There were a lot of days that despite my best efforts, I couldn't find any silver linings. But I keep telling myself that fortune (and not the financial kind) is much like the face of a clock. The hands go up to the top and down to the bottom. When they are at the top we must appreciate all of our good fortune and when it is at the bottom we have to hold faith that it will eventually get better. I suffer from PTSD, BPD and physical ailments so I know as well as anyone else how hard it is to believe that it will get better, especially when you have a condition that by definition won't get better. Although I don't know the exact nature of your hardships I can tell you that I understand 100% how hard it is to push past them. One of the way I got through 2018 was by forcing myself to spend my spare time learning new skills. Specifically, I learned how to knit and crochet. Your Crochet Teddy Bear was the first non-dishcloth crochet project I made and I was able to give it to my son on New Years Day. He was so proud of me for learning how to do that. I wouldn't have been able to do that without you. So thank you for pushing through your struggles as it helped me to push through mine, even if you didn't even know it.

    2019 will be better for all of us. I believe that with all my heart and soul. So keep holding on and pushing through and I'll do the same and we will both make it through the storm.

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    1. wow, thank you SO much for this! It means more than I can tell you. Your words of understanding, wisdom and hope are a blessing to read today.

      Yes, I am believing it too, 2019 will be better for us. I was so afraid after I wrote this post I almost deleted it a few times. I'm so glad now that I didn't. And I'm so glad you took the time to comment and share a little bit of your story.

      Thank you!

      PS
      Knowing that my pattern helped you learn a new craft is really an honor for me and fills my heart with joy.

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  12. Hard to read, but I know it to well.
    Love you Sharon, dont rush, take your time. We'll all be here, patiently waiting for news. It shouldnt be a burden to make patterns /videoes, take your time, and im sure, everyone understand, that not everything can be on video.
    Love you and all your hard work, -and remember, even though you (or I) cant do everything as quick as we used to, we still do it as good as we can, its still hard work, even though I cant do as much as I used to.
    -Hope I expleined it, like I thourght it.
    You are the best Sharon. Love you. Christina Stjernholm

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    1. thank you so much Christina, I know you understand me and that means a lot, it really does. You explained it well, thank you for the kind words. It is very true what you wrote, we do the best we can.
      I'm glad we are friends! Thank you for that too.

      I will write to you again once I get the next pattern figured out so we can work together before I publish it. I'm not sure when but I'll message you on facebook when I'm ready. I have been building for the Gnomes as you know. I feel relaxed and peaceful while I build. Everyday I feel a bit stronger and better.

      Talk soon!
      Sharon

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  13. I hear you and I can say with all my heart i love and appreciate you. I have been in your boat for the last couple of months. I only just got back to crafting a week ago. So far 2019 is looking up. Please take of yourself. Your health comes first. Everyone should understand that that is the most important thing. Without your health there is no creativity. Blessing be upon you and your generosity.

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  14. Hi Sharon,

    I taught myself to crochet in 2013 when I was suffering badly with anxiety and depression it really helped me get through a bad time in my life. I learnt by watching your videos and following your lovely patterns. A big big thank you to you for helping me through my bad time and for speaking out and sharing with us all. I love all your wonderful creations and have made many of them. Hope 2019 is kinder to you. Sending hugs Tammy xxx

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  15. thank you Sharon for all your lovely pattern, hope 2019 is a good year for everyone, lets crochet together to get rid of all the bad energies. Keep it up !!

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  16. Thank you... for everything. You're in my prayers as I pray for myself and family. I just want you to know how much you mean to me.

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  17. 2018 was the hardest year for a lot of people. I have CP and other health problems. I love crocheting it keeps my hands and mind moving. I love your pattern and have made some. I think everyone has their bad days and good days. You don't have to tell me anything or never said sorry for the bad days. God made us just the way he want us to be no more no less. You got to do what you got to do to stay health and in right mind. Girl you got this! Your are in my thoughts and prayers.

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