Welcome to the Kayden Project.
I started this project to help bring awareness to pregnancy and infant loss in memory of my niece's baby that she lost due to an ectopic pregnancy. The loss of a baby, no matter how early in the pregnancy that baby is, can cause the mother great heartache and pain. It is my hope that the Kayden Project will bring some comfort to mothers who are suffering, and give those in support of a mom who has lost her baby a better understanding of her grief. This project will include personal stories from you and photos of your crocheted Angel Bear. See the bottom of this page for more information about this project and how you can contribute your story and photo of your Angel bear to it.
On August 28th 2015, my niece had to have emergency surgery to remove the baby. This surgery actually saved her life but she developed a depression soon after and had a very hard time coping with the loss of her baby. She also felt feelings of guilt since she had to consent to the surgery. She knew that her baby was going to die even if she didn't have the surgery, but those feelings of guilt were still there. Even though she had been pregnant for only a short time, she was in love with her baby and her mother's heart was completely broken with this loss. She grieved for many months after. Some people did not understand her grief. Some people went silent. Some people tried to help and said things they should not have said. On top of her grief that must have been extremely painful to deal with.
The best thing we can do for a mother who has lost her baby is just be there. Offer support and show compassion. Do not put a time limit on her grief. Be aware that mom could be dealing with depression as well. Depression is not to be taken lightly, depression can kill. Be gentle and kind. Look into counseling services and take advantage of the help that's out there. Don't try to fix her. You can't fix her. Allow time to do the healing. Don't say things like "there's a reason for everything" or "God needed an angel so he took your baby". These may seem like good things to say but they not helpful to a grieving mother in any way. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm so sorry this happened. I'm here for you if you need me".
A memory box and a name:
Baby is a member of this family:
In December of 2015 I wanted to give something special, something right from my heart, so I made the Angel Bear and sent it to Alicia for her memory box.
I wrote a letter that told her what an honor it was for me to be Kayden's great aunt! That will always be my special connection to this baby. Because of Kayden I became a great aunt for the first time. My parents became great grandparents for the first time too. These are all special things that we can hold onto and tell Alicia how much that means to us and that her baby mattered and is very much loved. I think one of the most important things for a mother to hear when she has had an early pregnancy loss is that her baby mattered.
The Angel Bear is a free pattern that also has a video tutorial with it. You will find all the pattern and video links you need for this project here.
Contribute to the project:
If you would like to contribute your own story to this project please send a photo of your crocheted bear and a story of how pregnancy or infant loss has affected you to firstname.lastname@example.org
Your story does not have to be long or detailed, it can be short and simple. You can say anything you want. You can say what helped get you through or what hurt you the most. Tell us what people shouldn't say to mothers who are grieving and what words brought you comfort. You can stay anonymous too! This is just a way for you to say in a few words how this loss affected you.
You can also contribute to this project if you made the bear for someone else or an organization. Please feel free to send your photo along with any information about an organization you work with or volunteer for.
There is a purpose:
The purpose of this project is to spread awareness. To allow people who are on the outside looking in, a glimpse into a mother's heart. To give people a better understanding that pregnancy loss, no matter what stage it was in, can cause great feelings of loss and sadness and even depression. To let mothers who have suffered a loss know that what they are feeling is completely normal. That this grief has no time limit. That their baby mattered and there is help out there for for those who need it.
Once I have your photo and story:
I will do my best to see that your photo and story is added within 3 weeks of submission. As this is just getting started, please check back for updates.
Alberta Health Services
Ectopic Pregnancy Support with helpline
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness
Thank you so much for visiting the Kayden Project. I hope you have found some comfort here.
Angel of my Tears
How do you love a person
who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live.
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?
I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before
you ever were born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?
Ah! My little baby,
you lived like anyone!
Life's a burst of joy and pain.
And then like yours, it's done.
I love you, my little baby,
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
the Angel of my tears.